Life in Stardust (a Thasmin One Shot Collection)
by EmbodimentOfBlue01
Summary: This is a collection of thasmin one shots! I'll always put warnings before chapters that contain smut, if there's no warning then it's most likely fluff lol. This is the first fanfiction content I've written in four years! Excited to share it :)
1. Chapter 1

"There!" the Doctor sighed with relief, her puzzle finally complete. "How long did that take?"

Yaz answered, "About two and a half hours, I think. Maybe three?" The Doctor groaned, causing her to laugh. She'd watched the Time Lord work tirelessly at that puzzle for the last few hours in an attempt to pass the time while Graham and Ryan were away.

The Doctor sat on the floor of the lounge, internally whining about how long they had to wait.

"Wait, Yaz, when did they say they'd be back?" she asked. She hoped that it would be soon.

"Well, Graham _did _say that he and Ryan were visiting some of Grace's family today. I heard they live over by Manchester." Yaz told the Doctor. "God knows why Graham insisted on driving himself and Ryan instead of taking the TARDIS." she giggled. "Did you have anything else in mind other than that puzzle?" she pointed at the image on the floor, giving the Doctor a you're-literally-a-child look.

The Doctor became offended.

"Oi!" she huffed. After a moment she relaxed and said, "I mean, yeah, I have other stuff. How about a movie?"

Yaz smiled at the Doctor.

"Yeah, sure. A movie sounds nice, but don't ask me to pick because I'll spend all day deciding." she laughed. Seeing the Time Lord excited always made her happy. She knew that she had deeper feelings for the woman, but also knew what she wanted would never be possible. After all, here was this ancient alien who knew just about everything one could imagine and had lived through so many historical events with so many other people. Then there was Yaz, a nearly 20-year-old junior police officer travelling the universe in hopes of living a more interesting life. There was hardly a comparison between the two. Yaz had hopped on board the TARDIS with a woman with more history than her secondary school textbooks. A woman she felt she barely knew.

"Alright, then," the Doctor said, bringing Yaz back from her thoughts. "I went to look for movies but for some reason this was all I could find." She looked expectantly at Yaz, waiting for some sort of reply.

It was some kind of romantic comedy Yaz had never seen, so she just nodded her head to answer the Doctor. She wondered if maybe the TARDIS had purposefully hid all of the other movies. She was reading too far into the situation. Besides, it wasn't like she'd recently been hooked up to the ship's telepathic circuits. She tried to shove her thoughts and feelings to the back of her mind and moved from the floor to the couch.

The TARDIS had a cool built-in T.V. in one of the walls of the lounge, and the screen appeared when a disc was put into a standard-looking DVD player to the side. Yaz was always a little confused by it, but had grown mostly used to it. Usually, the ship somehow matched some ambient lighting to the theme or category of the movie. In this case, though, Yaz was a bit nervous for the lights and movie.

The Doctor popped the movie disc into its slot, the screen showing up soon after. She used her sonic to "press" play, which cued up the room's lights. _Uh oh, _Yaz thought. They were a soft red with some violet peeking through. They weren't inherently romantic colors, but given the context of the movie, Yaz knew it was going to be hard to think otherwise.

While the Time Lord watched and paid attention to the film, all Yaz could do was think about what it would be like if she and the Doctor were the characters in it. They began, in typical rom-com fashion, as strangers. They had a coincidental introduction, kind of like Yaz had had with the woman sitting next to her. That night on the train was the beginning of a life that she would never have thought possible before she met the Doctor. The events leading up to it all linked together, eventually bringing the close-knit group together. All of those small coincidences that put her at the base of the hill with Ryan, or that had put her on duty that day in the first place. Had any of these things not occurred, she might not have met the most influential woman she'd ever know.

"Yaz, you okay?" the Doctor's question broke Yaz from her daydreaming. She realized that she'd turned her gaze to the floor while thinking. Maybe it had looked like she was sad or concerned, as that was the sort of expression her face held while she was deep in thought.

"Yeah, only thinking." she gave the woman a smile and hoped they would leave it at that. She didn't want to have to explain what she was thinking or try to come up with a lie.

"You sure? You looked kind of like something was bothering you. You do know you can talk to me if that's the case, right?" the Doctor looked Yaz in the eyes and put her hand on top of her companion's.

_Fuck. _With the small touch, Yaz was almost reduced to nothing. She was already flustered under the Doctor's gaze and it definitely didn't help that they were now closer together.

"I'm fine, Doctor. Honest." she made another weak attempt at a smile. She thought about saying, _oh yeah, Doc, I'm totally chill. It's just that I might be in love with you and it's all I can think about. _It was all she could do to feign being calm and wish they could go back to watching the movie. But, she still felt the Time Lord's eyes on her when she turned away. The concern still hadn't left her pupils, which made Yaz feel bad about lying. It wasn't as if she was going to confess her feelings, though.

"Okay. Mind if I ask what you were thinking about, then?"

_Shit! Fuck! Help! _Yaz wished she were anywhere else at that moment. Anywhere that wasn't a few inches away from the Doctor. She knew she'd failed at hiding her emotions, though, because the woman's look shifted from concern to confusion.

"What's that face for?" the Doctor chuckled. Yaz couldn't laugh. She also couldn't move, so she was stuck there looking at the Doctor with wide eyes.

After another moment with no answer, the Doctor lightly rubbed Yaz's arm.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. But you don't have to worry about judgement if you do. Nothing could change my opinion of you, Yasmin Khan." her eyes softened before they pulled away from Yaz's face.

Even with the Doctor's eyes off of her, Yaz couldn't stop staring. She'd begun to take in the details of the woman she wished she wasn't falling in love with. The soft lights bounced off of the surface of her skin, and the messy strands of hair on her head soaked them in as they became one. Her face held a calm, attentive expression. Eyes focused, soft lips slightly open. _Lips slightly open. _Yaz knew it was wrong to keep her mind on the Doctor's lips, but her thoughts focused on the space between the upper and lower. She imagined her own welded to the Time Lord's, soaking in the warmth of each other.

The Doctor's beauty astounded Yaz. She didn't need to dress up or wear makeup, she was just gorgeous all on her own. Her blonde hair fell so perfectly atop her head. The hazel irises in her eyes threatened to pull Yaz into their depths. From the stray hairs on her head to the blue striped socks on her feet, there was nothing flawed about the woman.

It was all Yaz could do to stop herself from kissing her then and there.

Once again the Doctor had caught Yaz in thought, this time meeting her eyes as she turned.

"Yaz, are you _sure _you're okay?"

_God, her eyes are so pretty right now. And her lips… _

"I promise, Doctor, everything's perfect." she flashed a smile, larger than her previous attempt.

The Time Lord shifted and turned herself to face Yaz completely. She took both of her hands in her own in an attempt to comfort the young woman.

"I never want you to think that I don't care about you, okay? I have a duty of care for anyone that boards this ship." she gestured to the space around them. "I want to be here for you. Always."

"I know, Doctor. It's just…" Yaz trailed off, unsure of how to explain her mindset without revealing too much.

The Doctor's eyes roamed around the younger woman's face, trying to find something to tell her what was the matter. She always found humans so complex, almost annoyingly so. They felt so much in one moment and she knew Time Lords did too, but humans were just...different.

Yaz took a breath and treaded carefully with her words.

"It's just that I'm feeling conflicted at the moment. Not anything of concern, just personal things. You see, a friend of mine has been confiding in me about what she's been going through and I've been trying to help." She hoped that the Doctor wouldn't see straight through her and know that this "friend" was just Yaz.

"Well," the Doctor pondered, "what's your friend struggling with? It seems like she's dumped this on you, maybe I can lessen the weight."

Their hands were still touching, heat exchanging with heat as the quiet sound of a forgotten movie met with the breathing of both women. A moment Yaz tried to savor as every thought in her head raced past one another.

"She really likes someone, but she's certain they could never be together. She was telling me that her feelings were too strong to ignore, though." Yaz gulped and tried to keep from avoiding the Doctor's gaze. "I know it sounds so childish but I- she doesn't know how to confess her feelings."

_You really did it this time, Yasmin Khan. _She prayed to the gods that the Doctor hadn't noticed her slip-up. After that mistake Yaz now stared at their hands laying between them and silence filled the air. It wasn't uncomfortable, or awkward, but just a little bit tense as Yaz continued to avoid looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor's face contorted into a quizzical expression. Yaz could tell what was coming, but wished that she could go hide in her room instead of discussing the truth. She couldn't avoid this forever.

"I'm not accusing you of lying, but this isn't about a friend, is it?" the ancient, seemingly all-knowing woman met her companion's eyes when the younger woman's face lifted.

Neither of them said anything for a little while. Their hands remained together, but their eyes had moved on to other things. It seemed that both of them were trying to avoid the inevitable.

After what felt like hours Yaz sighed, "No, it isn't. It's about me." She pulled her hands out from under the Doctor's, instead bringing them up to hide her face. Her thoughts leapt to the only outcome she could imagine, which was one she feared would manifest.

"I thought so." the Doctor's eyes were still calm, still warm. Her mouth stretched into a small smile. "Do you mind if I ask who it is you fancy?" she laughed a bit when she said that. She was trying to be the kind of friend that she'd seen in some movies Yaz had watched in the past. She hoped acting like this would help the young woman feel more comfortable.

"I wish I could, Doctor, I really do. But, I...it's really complicated and hard to explain and-"

Yaz was interrupted by the Doctor's lips.

Fireworks bloomed behind her eyes, ignited by euphoria, and her heart started singing a song she'd never heard before. The music danced around the bursts of color when they met in her mouth, a symphony of notes and hues.

She melted into the kiss, pulling the Time Lord a bit closer. She savored the feeling of their lips interlocked with each other, memorizing the soft curves of them. When the two separated, Yaz had a smile plastered on her face. She didn't even have words to describe how relieved she felt.

"Was that okay?" the Doctor asked. Her face had adopted a pink hue, and she was smiling as well.

All Yaz could do was nod. She'd been lifted above the clouds. Her mind lingered with the kiss, never wanting to leave its side in fear of losing the moment. She replayed it in her head until she felt she could let herself come back to the ground.

"It was more than okay. I have to ask, though," she caught the Doctor's curious eye, "How did you know? About how I feel, I mean."

The Time Lord planted a kiss on Yaz's forehead and caressed her cheek.

"Oh, Yaz…" she took in the sight of the young, beautiful woman before her. Yasmin Khan had become someone she knew she could trust, and someone she felt she could become close to. Her arms wrapped around Yaz. She closed the remaining space between them, bringing her companion into an embrace she'd wanted for so long. "I always know."


	2. Frosted Cookies

Yaz and the Doctor looked at the ingredients before them. They had wanted to bake some frosted cookies, but got a little carried away.

There were dusty bags of flour, far too many cans of frosting, and a heap of other things they bought on a whim.

"Well, I guess we should get started." Yaz smiled. "How much oven space do we have, in case we make too many?"

"I've got two ovens, I think. It's been a really long time since I last baked something, I don't actually remember where the TARDIS has put stuff." the Doctor's eyes scanned the kitchen, in hopes of maybe finding out where everything had been left. A chime told her that she'd just looked straight at the ovens and baking cupboard. "Oh! There we are." the women walked to the other side of the room, the Doctor stroking a wall in thanks on their way.

Hands began their work immediately. Mixing dough, dividing into pieces, stealing small bites. The Doctor in particular had a habit of eating more cookie dough than she was putting on the pans.

"Oi, you! If you keep that up, we won't have any cookies left." Yaz teased.

All the Time Lord did was giggle and take a bit of dough to throw at her girlfriend. Laughter bounced around the room as they gradually forgot about baking and started a small food fight.

"You know, Doctor, I think you've got something on your face." Yaz said, bringing her hand up to her counterpart's cheek to smear chocolate frosting across it. The Doctor's face formed a faux-offended expression and she searched the counter for her weapon of choice.

"Yeah? You know, I think you'd look amazing with a necklace." she beamed, taking vanilla frosting and forming a semicircle across Yaz's collarbones. Their eyes met, and each knew what the other was thinking.

Both stared at each other for longer than was necessary. Neither of them knew what to do next, and soon their faces blushed pink.

Yaz cleared her throat and stepped forward, taking her index finger to the Doctor's cheek to remove some frosting. Keeping eye contact, she slowly licked it off of her finger, eyebrows raising suggestively. She went again, this time slowing down and keeping her other hand cupped to her girlfriend's face.

The Doctor's breath hitched. _God, why is this so hot? _She wondered. Yaz's hand was still on her neck and she was fixated on the electricity crackling between them. Before she could think of what to do next, her girlfriend scooped some frosting from her chest. The Doctor's lips parted, allowing the other's fingers to slip past and feed her.

Everything seemed to go by in slow motion. Eyes gazed into each other as deeper desires formed behind them, and their owners were pulled closer by the gravity of one another.

Yaz pulled back a bit, and began to speak until her partner's lips silenced her. Their hands started roaming territory yet to be explored, tugging and squeezing and experimenting. When Yaz moaned quietly, the Doctor knew she'd found a sweetspot.

Her kisses moved downward onto the neck of her other half and her hands held fast to perfect hips. Long, desperate fingers swept across the hips in search of the hem of a shirt. They slipped under the fabric, exploring the dark skin underneath.

"Doctor…" Yaz sighed, then straightened herself up. "Doctor, what about the cookies? And the _boys_?"

"Don't worry about them, love. I had the TARDIS soundproof the room, and the boys were busy watching that football match, anyway. As for the cookies, those can wait." She winked.

The Doctor moved to press Yaz against the wall, continuing her stream of soft kisses on her collarbones. Her hands moved back down to the hem of the shirt and brought it up and over her girlfriend's head.

_Fuck. She's so hot, _she thought as her eyes wandered across the beautifully curved body in front of her. She returned her hands to their rightful places. Their light touches crept closer and closer to supple breasts caged behind a lace bralette. Yaz had already thought ahead, quickly discarding it on the floor.

Before the Doctor reached her breasts, though, Yaz leant over to remove her navy-colored sweater.

"You're gorgeous, babe. I can't believe I'm getting to see and do this." Yaz cooed to the Doctor, leaning against the wall again.

She let out a moan when a hot mouth met with her nipple, sending sparks through her body. Needy hands grabbed a pale waist to bring it closer. Both stood, releasing hot breaths onto each other's skin, moving together as a system of parts and senses.

The Doctor's lips dropped to her girlfriend's abdomen, slowly pulling her joggers down to kiss exposed hip bones. She kept her breathing steady, hot and wet against Yaz's skin. Within seconds the joggers and accompanying underwear were on the floor. Her hands rubbed toned thighs tenderly as her mouth travelled with them.

The couple sunk to the kitchen floor, moving closer together. The Doctor took off her own trousers before finding her girlfriend's sensitive skin again. She straddled Yaz's thigh, replacing lips with soft fingers and seeking a kiss from her lover's mouth. Their lips met with force, each of them desperate to continue. Her fingertips teased around the younger woman's inner thighs, moving closer to her destination.

"Oh, _fuck_." Yaz breathed against the Doctor's nose as the latter began circling her clit.

Her fingers dipped into the wet heat that she'd caused. They moved up and down at first, pleasure beginning to spread between Yaz's folds.

"Doctor," she moaned, "please."

"Tell me what you want."

She sighed, "_Please._"

"Love, I want to know what you want. Tell me. _Beg _me." the Doctor purred, fingers teasing at her girlfriend's entrance. She heard a mewl come from her lips. "What was that, babe?"

"Doctor…"

The Time Lord brought her mouth to Yaz's ear. Her lips brushed past it and she laughed lightly.

"_Beg me, _Yaz." she placed a deep kiss at the nape of her lover's neck. "_Ask._"

"Please, Doctor. _Fuck me._"

"Sorry, dear, you'll have to speak up."

"_Please! _Oh, god, _fuck me, _Doctor." Yaz whined.

Satisfied, the Doctor pushed her fingers into her girlfriend, taking her time to feel around for the best pressure points. With each moan, she moved deeper, until she found her limit. Yaz's breathing became heavier as curious fingers slid in and out of her. She started moving her hips in time with the Doctor's motions.

Her fingers picked up speed, lifting lustful whimpers from her girlfriend's mouth. Hips bucked and moans got louder, she was so close to an explosion of bliss.

The Doctor chuckled, "Not yet, Yaz."

She brought her fingers to her mouth and, making eye contact, tasted her girlfriend's cum slowly, sensually. Her tongue then landed on Yaz's stiffened nipple, fingers flicking over the other. Their bodies were flush against each other. Breathing had relatively returned to normal, which told the Doctor to move to her next step.

Deep, passionate kisses trailed down Yaz's stomach, each leaving a spot of dark purple behind. She teased with kisses on inner thighs and just above her lover's clit. One hand continued to stimulate a nipple, building up pressure in Yaz's abdomen. She longed for a release, but the Doctor kept her from paradise.

Sultry, velvety lips moved to suck on Yaz's clit. She let loose a needy moan, relishing in the intoxicating pleasure that her girlfriend's mouth created. Her hand grasped blonde hair tightly, the other pinching at her free nipple. Some sort of carnal need surged through her body, and she started moving the Doctor's head up and down her slit.

The Doctor dipped her tongue into the rapidly growing flood of arousal coming from Yaz. She took it all in at once, and went to her clit and started flicking over it. Varying speeds sent her girlfriend to cloud nine. She knew how close she was to an orgasm, so she did her best to hold her there as long as possible.

"Doctor!" Yaz cried out. "Make me cum."

The Doctor focused all attention on the clit and folds as her counterpart pulled at her own nipples. Another cry told her that she was doing the right thing. She circled the clit, sucked on it, and flicked her tongue on top of it. Her lips could feel Yaz start to tense up. They enveloped as much surface area as possible, ready for the release of elation.

With a gasp, Yaz's body trembled and her vision blurred.

"_Fuck._" she breathed. She smiled at the Doctor when the latter lifted her head from between her legs. "That was...amazing."

They stayed on the floor for a moment, catching the breaths they'd lost while in the throes of passion. Gentle lips placed kisses on a pale forehead, before their owner stood up shakily.

"We should probably clean up." Yaz laughed, now knowing that her girlfriend loved how she'd pleased her. "You know, before one of the boys shows up."

"Who says they'll show up? I can have the TARDIS misdirect them, we could spend all day like this." the Doctor suggested. She felt as if she'd been put under a spell under Yaz's wanton gaze.

"As much as I'd love that, we _did _promise them cookies. They might start to wonder what's taking so long."

The Doctor just stuck her tongue out and started putting her clothes back on. The couple took care of their mess of passion as quick as they could.

"Right," Yaz grinned. "I 'spose we should get baking."

"Aw, I thought we could _play _a little more?" The Doctor flirted, pulling them close and giving her girlfriend a kiss. She didn't want to get back to baking, not now that she'd seen such a beautiful body.

"What kind of 'play' did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know," the Time Lord stroked Yaz's dark locks and sucked a bit on the skin of her neck. "Why don't you show me how to play our last 'game'?"

A throat cleared behind them, pushing whatever thoughts they'd been having back to where they'd come from.

"Uh, I just came to ask what's going on with the cookies." Graham stuttered, feeling a bit embarrassed to have walked in on a private moment. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"No. No, not at all." Yaz peeled away from the Doctor, giving an awkward grin. "Sorry, we're just about to put them in the oven."

Graham looked at the women and his eyebrows raised a bit.

"Right," he said. "We'll just, uh, be in the lounge. When they're done."

Yaz and The Doctor's eyes followed him down the hall until he turned a corner. For a second they just made embarrassed eye contact, before bursting into laughter. The boys knew about their relationship, but they found it equal parts awkward and hilarious that they'd been caught in a small intimate act.

The Doctor giggled, "Maybe I'll remember to put a bell on the door next time."


	3. She's Falling Apart

Just a warning! This part deals with a very heavy topic. TW for mentions of s*lf h*rm, and s****dal ideation. Please, don't read if you'll be triggered. And, if you or a loved one are in crisis, reach out to your national hotline. They can be found with a quick search on Google.

"Nobody's coming, Yaz." Sonya's voice echoed in the inky black behind Yaz's eyes.

She squirmed, tiredly trying to push the thought away. To throw it back to where it came from.

"You're alone in the dark."

"No!" she shot up, gasping as if she'd been holding her breath. Her eyes flicked around her room, making sure she was where she had fallen asleep. Her door was still closed, shag rug still off-kilter, night light still shining. Everything was as she left it, everything was fine.

She grabbed her phone from the table next to her bed. It was hardly half past three in the morning, which drew an exasperated sigh from her lips.

Yaz scrolled through her Instagram feed, distracting herself with pictures of her grade-school friends and cute animals. But, as much as she tried, the words in her head still bounced faintly in her ears. She felt like she couldn't escape them no matter how hard she tried. Like they would taunt her whenever she was alone, and even when she was around the people she loved. They seemed to want to drag her down into whatever depths they'd come from.

_It was just a dream, Yasmin. You're okay. _She attempted to reassure herself and battle her own thoughts. Her hands stroked the plush blanket that she was under, letting the feeling draw over any other sense she was experiencing. The brick wall she pictured in her mind was under fire from the thoughts that didn't seem to want to stop coming at her. As a last resort, she reached for her headphones and drowned her thoughts in music as she drifted back to sleep.

The Doctor was fiddling with the TARDIS console when Yaz left her room. She still wore her pajamas as it wasn't a day she had anything planned.

"You slept in," The Time Lord noted to her companion as she rounded the console. "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess. Woke up around three, but I was able to go back to bed." Yaz yawned.

"Anything in particular that woke you?"

"No, nothing specific. Just woke up too early, is all." she chuckled. She had no intention to tell the Doctor what had woken her up. Not that it was a terrible secret, but just that she didn't want her to worry. There wasn't anything _to _worry about, anyway. She'd be okay once she'd had time to adjust to consciousness.

Sitting on the stairs in the console room, Yaz watched her friend press buttons and pull levers. She had no idea what they did, but assumed that the Doctor did. Well, hoped, anyway.

"Where are we, Doctor?"

"Somewhere in Sextans A, a little over four million light-years away from Earth. Figured I'd stop somewhere quiet while I work on her." the Time Lord said, referencing the TARDIS.

"Is it safe to sit at the doors?" Yaz asked.

"Yes! Go ahead, Yaz." the Doctor smiled before once again focusing her attention on her ship.

Sat on the edge of the TARDIS floor, Yaz stared into the expanse of space. She used to feel terrified when she did this, but now she found it calming. It was nice, sometimes, to watch distant comets shoot past stars big and small. To feel nothing as her legs swung below her.

This time, though, she couldn't keep from letting her thoughts overcome her. She'd been trying so hard since she woke up in the middle of the night, but for some reason she felt weaker than usual. Flashes of nothing flooded her head, her thoughts coming at her too fast to decipher. She tried to focus on a star, to give herself something that wasn't a part of her to think about.

But, to no avail.

It didn't make any sense. Yaz had been doing well. Good, even. There hadn't been anything that might have influenced this apparent slump. Still, she couldn't stop imagining the same things she'd imagined a few years before. She was so sure that she was finally better, that this wouldn't happen again. _What the fuck_?

A tear slid down her cheek, unexpected. It was sudden. With a wipe of her hand, Yaz hoped that that would be the only one shed. She didn't know what would happen if she let herself cry. _It won't happen, _she told herself. The distant stars and bursts of color blurred with the onslaught of unwelcome tears. Everything was becoming too frustrating. She padded quietly back to her bedroom. The Doctor couldn't see her like this.

The door slammed behind her despite her intention to be subtle. Her breath hitched before she let herself fall onto her bed.

Yaz let out a long, wet sob. She didn't understand what was happening, or _why _it was happening.

"I was doing better!" she yelled hoarsely to the air. Her fists hit the pillows below her. She felt like a stupid kid throwing a tantrum, but she didn't know how else to let her feelings out.

Her comforter and mattress inhaled her cries. The screams she couldn't let loose caught in her throat and threatened to suffocate her. Breaths came and went at an increasing speed as Yaz started to hyperventilate. It was all too much too quick.

Amidst the flooding eyes and stuffy nose, she seemed to remember something that could help. Her doctor had prescribed an as-needed antianxiety medication, for when Yaz needed extra help calming down. Her fingers fumbled blindly around the ground. They landed on her bag, a needed victory. Wasting no time, she dumped the contents next to her to find the small, orange bottle.

When she shook it over her hand, though, nothing fell.

"_Fuck!" _she rasped in anger.

The bottle flew across the room and collided with the wall. Why was she spiraling so fast? Her thoughts spun around her head as she let go another series of breathy, bitter wails. The world seemed to be unraveling around her. The tatters of whatever she could hold onto were disintegrating in her grasp and it was all she could do to keep the remains in her palms as she broke. All she could discern from her tangled web of thoughts was, _why_? _Why is this happening? Why can't I get a fucking grip? _

"Why can't I just _die_?" she whimpered. The words shocked her. She hadn't expected the thought to be so clear, so sudden, or so desperate. A clarity came when she spoke, which scared her. Her body was taking control while her mind fought to have its way.

Tired feet carried a reluctant Yaz to her bathroom. She felt so disconnected. Like her mind was a few paces back, knowing that nothing good could come of this. There were no longer loud sobs, just silent tears striking the fabric on her shirt.

Though she tried to fight it, she was combing through the cabinet and cupboard for something, _anything, _that would take her away from the present. Her eyes didn't even focus, she just pulled objects out that seemed like they could distract. _I shouldn't be doing this, _she thought, having no desire to stop. Cleaning products and first aid tools cluttered the floor around her. They were a barrier to keep her from experiencing the inevitable wave of intense emotional strain. After messily gathering whatever she thought would work, she let herself fall back and lean against the bathtub.

Shaky breaths fought their way in and out of Yaz's mouth. All she could say to herself was, _stop, stop, stop, please, stop_! She was trapped behind glass while the rest of her body acted on its own. It didn't matter how loud she tried screaming in her mind, her limbs still moved to act out the twisted dream she wanted to forget. Her fingers worked around a weapon she wished would disappear. Nothing was helping, she couldn't stop herself and part of her didn't even _want _to stop.

"Oh, god," she winced. Despite the pain, relief flooded her body, finally able to focus on something else. Tears blurred her vision again, but she didn't care. She wasn't in control. She was terrified. So terrified that something would happen and she wouldn't be able to reverse it. That she'd succumb to the sick wish running through her head.

She turned her thoughts to the stars she'd seen earlier. A distraction from her horrible distraction. Their white, yellow, and blue lights twinkled behind her eyelids, which shut out the reality she was living. They spun and twirled and pulled in huge chunks of rock. Kind of like small solar systems, a prototype of her own, with tiny moon-sized "planets" and weak orbits. Meteorites flew past them, travelling somewhere new and exciting. Yaz imagined that she was one of them, moving forward to a place away from any thought or action she'd been living with.

She was abruptly pulled from the fantasy with a sharp, shooting pain.

_Oh, fuck. _

"Shit, shit, shit," she rambled. Her hands hastily grabbed the closest cloth she saw. The panic began to sink in and her head was spinning. _Fuck, fuck, what do I do? _Her mind shouted, desperate for any solution easy to access.

The only thing in her sight was rubbing alcohol. She snatched it up and struggled to twist the cap off. Her breathing was shallow and quick, her heart was racing. The sobs she'd been holding back surfaced and shoved themselves into the space around her. They were drenched in regret and fear.

The liquid dropped onto the cloth, rapidly soaking through. A strangled, broken scream jumped out of her throat against her will.

Just as she feared, the Doctor came rushing into her bedroom.

"Yaz? Where are you?" she could hear the Time Lord walking around the other side of the room.

She managed to croak a weak, "Bathroom," before beginning to cry again.

The Doctor shouted her name and landed on the floor next to her. Yaz couldn't make out what she was saying, only that it was fast and sounded concerned.

"I'm scared." she weeped as her friend started to scoop her up. Her vision was darkening and she felt woozy and heavy as a boulder.

Her ears fixed on the calming words that the Doctor was speaking as they moved toward the front of the TARDIS. She didn't actually know what was being said, but her voice was soft.

Yaz's head leaned on the Doctor's shoulder and she slipped into unconsciousness.

"Yaz? Yaz, it's me, the Doctor. You can hear me, right?" a worried woman spoke while holding Yaz's hand.

Bright, fluorescent lights bounced off of a blank wall and swaying curtains. Squinting, she realized she'd been brought to A&E.

A raspy whisper left her lips as she asked, "Why aren't we on the TARDIS? Why am I here?"

The Doctor's eyes showed sorrow and concern when she looked at her companion.

"Yaz, you blacked out when I found you. Do you remember?" she waited for a weak nod. "They said you lost a little too much blood," the Doctor's words were strangled as she tried to keep from crying. "You'll be okay, though."

Yaz felt her friend stroke her hand. She held it between both of her own, almost as if she was afraid that if she let go she'd lose her young companion.

"I'm sorry," Yaz breathed.

"You don't need to apologize. If anything it should be _me _saying sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know. I...I'm so sorry I couldn't help sooner. I'm sorry it came to this."

"It's okay."

"No, Yaz, it isn't. I could've lost you, and I was none the wiser. I wasn't attentive enough, I didn't see that you were struggling. I just…" the Doctor sniffled. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Yaz met her eyes.

She said, "Doctor, I'm so grateful for you. You _were _there for me. This wasn't expected and came too quickly, and I didn't want you to worry. I was so frightened about what was happening to me. I didn't feel like myself. It was like someone else was in control, while I sat behind a wall and watched what I did to myself."

The two were now crying softly. It was difficult to speak clearly, but they tried anyway.

"I didn't have a foothold in the world," Yaz said. "Reality was crumbling around me. I felt so lost, Doctor. I hadn't felt that in years. I was convinced I was better _for good_. But, I guess I'm not."

"Listen, Yaz," the Doctor gave a small smile. "Getting better is such a long process. It's life-long. It takes work, but we can do it. _You _can do it. I'll always be here to help. You never need to worry about bothering me, love. I'm _always _going to stand by your side."

The Time Lord planted a kiss on Yaz's forehead. The younger woman smiled weakly, eyes closing. She was tired.

"Sleep well, Yaz. I'll be right here when you wake."


	4. Make Me Feel

"...and she's new to the district, so allow her some time to adjust to how we work," Principal Fulton spoke as Yasmin walked into the lounge. "Ah, here she is now. Everyone, I'd like to introduce Ms. Yasmin Khan, our new English teacher."

Yaz smiled awkwardly, giving a small wave to her new coworkers. She was new to teaching A-levels, so she was nervous that they might judge her ability. Fulton led her eyes around the room as she introduced the other staff.

"Right here is our other English teacher, Mr. Mark Thesing," the man before her shook her hand in his own, nodding his head in greeting.

"And here we have Mrs. Heather Ulrich, teaching History," Yaz tuned the principal's voice out. She didn't mean to, but her nerves were drowning out the world and filling her ears with her heartbeat.

She steadied her breathing as other teachers came forward to shake her hand. The school was on the smaller side, but had more teachers than she'd expected. She should've remembered how many there were from her interviews and small briefings. Her heart began to race as she worried that she'd already made a bad impression on her new peers.

"Hi there!" a bright voice drew Yaz from her head. Before her stood hazel eyes and a short, blonde bob accompanied by a wide smile. It surprised her when her breath caught in her throat. Was she really this easily mesmerized? She pushed her blatant attraction away so she could give her own smile back to the woman.

"This is Ms. Jemma Smith, Chemistry. Though, I think she's beaten me to the punch in her introduction." Principal Fulton chuckled while Ms. Smith took Yaz's hand and shook it enthusiastically.

"Please, call me Jem. Jemma sounds too sticky in your mouth, if I may say so," Jem let Yaz's hand drop and the new teacher tried to focus back on greeting everyone.

She just couldn't fathom how quickly she'd become enraptured by Jem. What was it about her that made Yaz's breath hitch and knees falter? The way her voice caressed her cheeks as it made its way toward her ears? Her face, graced with delicate cheekbones and soft, pink lips?

Or was it her figure, light and smooth as if sculpted from paper clay?

_You're getting carried away, Yasmin. You _just _met this woman. _

Still, she couldn't help the heat that rushed between her thighs. _Fuck. _

"Right," Principal Fulton stepped back from the group. "Now that we've all properly met, you're free to finish your lunches. Ms. Khan, if you'd stay behind?"

"Yasmin is fine, thanks."

"Alright. Yasmin, then." Fulton smiled and waited for the rest of the teachers to leave the room.

Yaz gave another wave to her colleagues and tried to maintain composure when Jem turned around to flash a grin her way before walking down the hall.

"Now, I'm sure you've read through the paperwork I gave you during our last meeting?"

"Yep!"

"Great. I just have a few more forms to give you, but they're mainly just procedure. You don't need to follow them like they're a bible." They laughed and exited the teacher's lounge.

They chatted about first day preparations for a few minutes before Principal Fulton released Yaz to settle in her classroom. She'd come by a few weeks earlier to set up the room how she liked, and found it nice to organize in the quiet. Still, she welcomed the looming chaos that would inevitably overwhelm her. The students would walk in talking loudly with their peers about what they did over the holiday, and would struggle to settle while Yaz introduced herself to them. They'd be reintroduced to her when they attend the assembly on the second day. They would scrutinize her as she guided them through the themes of Shakespeare's _Othello _or Byron's _Darkness_.

The thought of failing to impress and entertain her students gave Yaz a light head.

"It'll be fine, Yasmin." she reassured herself. All she had to do was repeat it like a mantra, and she'd be good.

_It'll be okay. _

"What'll be fine?"

Yaz jumped out of her seat. Ms. Smith had appeared suddenly, catching her off guard.

"Oh, Ms. Smith!" She tried to calm her heart. "I'm just trying to give myself a pep talk before the morning comes." she smiled.

"Please, just call me Jem," perfect, white teeth requested. "And don't worry about first day jitters! I'm positive you'll be brilliant."

Yaz blushed. She hadn't been prepared to see the blonde woman again, and the longer she looked at her the more beautiful she was.

"Thanks, Jem, I appreciate it."

"No problem. I used to be you, so I know it can be hard to get used to a new school. Especially on top of getting to know new coworkers! Figured I'd give you a jumpstart." Jem beamed.

Yaz turned another shade darker and hoped that her new colleague hadn't noticed. She was hardly keeping it together, and adding a pretty woman to the mix didn't help. It took nearly kicking herself to keep her mind from drifting to unsavory places.

It _was _nice to get a closer look at Jem, though. She wouldn't admit it, but Yaz had definitely started developing a work crush already. How could she not? Jem leant against the wall by Yaz's desk so casually, it was as if she'd practiced. The sleeves of her white undershirt were rolled up, showing off toned forearms. She wondered what those arms would feel like wrapped around her. What they'd look like pinned against a wall, glistening under a sheen of sweat...

"Yasmin?"

"What?" Yaz squeaked. _Busted. _

"I said," Jem smirked as her eyes slid up and down Yaz's body, not trying at all to be subtle. "There's a staff party at the bar downtown on Friday. I'm sure you'd hear about it eventually, but might as well let you know earlier rather than later. It's kind of our beginning-of-the-year tradition, to wind down after the first week." she laughed.

"Oh! I, uh, yeah. Thanks." Yaz nearly choked out. She felt like a stupid teen, why was talking to Jem such a hard task? "Oh, and Yaz is just fine. That's what my friends call me, anyway."

"Cool. Right, I'll see you later, Yaz."

"See you." she gave a wave.

_You're really not being very subtle, Yaz. Calm the _fuck _down. _

Her work week passed by quickly, and before she knew it, it was Friday. The first days had been fine, she hadn't embarrassed herself in front of her students, and they seemed to be enjoying her curriculum. It had been a bit chaotic, but that was to be expected.

The bell rang to signal the end of the learning day. Yaz sighed, happy to let the stress of it go. That night, she would be able to unwind.

A cacophony of chatter greeted Yaz when she opened the door to the Silver Goose. Her eyes roamed the heads of strangers, searching for her coworkers.

"Yasmin! Over here." She heard her fellow English teacher, Mark, shout from her left.

Relief flooded her, she was glad to find them so quickly. It was a nightmare to wander a bar looking for your peers. Among them she spotted Jem, and tried not to stare at the suit she was wearing.

It fit her loosely, bunching a bit around her elbows and edging just slightly past her wrists. Her blazer was grey, but underneath it held a striped blue blouse. The fabric of the blouse moved as Jem laughed along to a joke one of her colleagues made. Yaz took a gulp and quickly moved her eyes away from her chest.

"Yaz! Hi!" the shimmering hazel eyes met her own and searched her face for a response. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. And yourself?" Yaz was aware she seemed on edge, but she couldn't help feeling like a schoolgirl again. A schoolgirl with a silly crush on someone she had no chance with, someone she was sure didn't even like women.

_Then why is she checking me out?_

Jem's eyes roamed the curve of Yaz's hips, sending a pulse straight to her core.

Jem cleared her throat, "Pretty good myself. Had some problem students today, but I suppose that's why we're here." she gestured to the crowded bar with a laugh. Yaz had yet to sit down, and the only open spot was right next to Jem.

_Just my luck, _she thought to herself, scooching into the booth next to her colleague.

"Do you want a drink?" Jem offered, flashing the menu at Yaz.

"No, thanks. I'm not big on alcohol, kind of my religious upbringing sticking around." she chuckled.

"Oh, okay. Cool," Jem breathed. "Well, I guess that means more for me!"

The women laughed together and fell into a lull as they listened to the chatter of their peers. Heather, the History teacher, was going on about a drunken prank her brother had pulled on her the weekend prior. Apparently, she was not a fan of the cold, especially if he'd opened all of the windows in her sitting room.

Yaz was painfully aware of the warm touch of Jem's thigh against hers, and tried not to let it distract her from a laid-back night with her coworkers. Even when she adjusted next to her, she bit her lip and tried to keep her eyes from wandering. Really, Yaz was just glad that Jem couldn't see the heat that her touch sent all through her body.

Drinks came and went for what was probably an hour or so; Yaz hadn't been paying close attention to the time. She had, however, been paying _very _close attention to the movement of Jem's hands when she spoke. They waved gently in the space above the table, mapping out past and hypothetical scenarios. When at rest on her lap, her fingers tapped along to the beat of the music playing over the bar's speakers.

Jem's slender fingers lay comfortably together on top of her thighs, and Yaz's eyes traced their lengths as she drifted further from conversation.

She let her minder wander, and let herself imagine those hands doing things she wouldn't dare say out loud. Jem's long, tender fingers tracing circles over Yaz's..._No. _

Yaz stood up a bit shakily, taking in a sharp breath.

"Excuse me, please. I just need a bit of fresh air," she nearly whispered.

"You alright, Yaz?" Jem touched her wrist in question.

"Yep!" she squeaked, turning to walk away. "M'fine."

The warmth of Jem's fingers lingered as Yaz made her way outside. She let the cool breeze embrace her and found a bench to sit on. The calm night air contrasted greatly with the volume and crowded atmosphere inside. Her hands played with her necklace, an attempt to distract her from overthinking.

Why did Jem make her feel so flustered? She berated herself, she was acting like such a kid.

_I'm an adult, for fuck's sake._

"Yaz?"

"Oh, fuck!" She jumped. She hadn't intended to yell, but the woman standing before her had been causing this whole mess in her head. "Sorry, you scared me."

Yaz sat back down, breathing deep and trying to settle her nerves.

"No kidding," Jem laughed. "Are you sure you're okay? You seemed a little wobbly, you didn't have a drink, did you?"

Yaz sighed, "No, I've only had water. I'm fine, really. You can go back inside and have fun, I didn't want to be a downer. Thanks, though."

_Really, Yaz? Self-pity? _She winced at how insecure she must have seemed.

"Who said I wouldn't be having fun out here?" Jem smiled, nudging her side lightly. Yaz perked up a bit, glad that at least her coworker didn't think she was an idiot.

"Well, I'm hardly Heather," she chuckled. "I don't have a life like that. I don't have those stories to tell."

"Tell me one."

"What?"

"A story. Tell me one of yours. Tell me about yourself. Who's 'Yasmin Khan'?"

Yaz cleared her throat. She hadn't expected Jem to stay outside, and she was even less prepared to suddenly tell her about herself. She started to tell her about where she grew up, laughing at a memory of chasing Sonya with a pair of scissors when they were in primary school.

They talked about their childhoods for a while, reminiscing about old best friends and little secrets they thought were special. It was nice for Yaz to be able to relieve the stress that she'd been holding. She rolled her shoulders, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

She froze when Jem planted a hand on either side of her neck and began massaging her skin.

"Oh, sorry. Is this okay?" she asked Yaz, receiving a nod in response.

She relaxed into the movements of Jem's hands, allowing the woman to take away her stressful thoughts. Despite her attempts not to, she still imagined her hands trailing down her spine to unzip her dress. Those deft, deceivingly strong fingers marking a path toward Yaz's core and sending electric shocks to every pressure point.

Her mouth set free an involuntary mix between a moan and a sigh. Jem stopped what she was doing to check on her new friend.

"I can stop if you want, it's totally-"

"No, it's okay, sorry. I'm just a little tired, I think." Yaz spat out a poor excuse and prayed to any god above that she had not just made a larger fool of herself. She feigned a yawn to try and hide the noise she'd made.

Instead of continuing to massage, Jem turned Yaz to face her. She hadn't told a complete lie, she was feeling tired. But, staring into her colleague's eyes set something in her alight and she could feel a burning in the pit of her stomach.

She opened her mouth to speak, to fill the silence that she felt creeping up on them, but her attempt was stopped by Jem's lips.

Yaz melted into the warmth that had been planted on her body, molding herself into the shape that Jem's hands wanted her to form. Another moan escaped, but this time she didn't try to conceal it. She was easily pliable under strong fingers and let them push and pull whichever ways they chose.

Her lips welcomed an eager tongue that fought with her own. All sounds of the city had subsided. All there was were two bodies, emanating passion and boldness on a bench outside of a bar.

It hardly crossed her mind that they were still outside. That is, until chilled wind swept past her shoulders and she shivered.

"Shit," Yaz gasped as she pulled away from Jem. "Shit, sorry, you're probably tipsy. That was inappropriate. Sorry, again."

"No, Yaz, it's fine, I'm-" Jem hiccuped, then slumped back onto the bench guiltily. She was a bit more intoxicated than she'd intended to be.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Yaz sighed and helped her stand up, suddenly aware of how off-balance she had become.

She cursed herself for letting _that _happen. Jem wasn't sober, it wasn't fair for her to have let her do that.

_She wasn't thinking clearly, _Yaz reasoned. _She wouldn't have done that normally. _

They made their way back to their table. When they received a couple of pointed glances from some coworkers, Yaz realized that some of their makeup must have smudged. She did her best to conceal her humiliation. This wasn't what she'd wanted to happen on her first night out with people she'd be spending the next chapter of her teaching career with.

Having gathered all of her things, Yaz turned to Mark.

"Does Jem have a ride home? Should I call a cab or something?" she felt like a lost dog, asking such simple questions.

Mark told her that, no, she had come with the other science teachers. He then added, "Maybe you should give her a lift," with a playful smirk.

"What?"

He just gave a shrug and waved goodbye, leaving Yaz flustered and red.

"What was that?" Jem walked to Yaz's side.

"It was nothing," she gave a small smile. "Come on, I'll give you a lift home."

Jem nodded and linked her elbow with Yaz's. She wasn't stumbling, but she definitely wasn't fit to be driving or getting herself home.

When they made it onto the main road, Yaz let herself relax. Thankfully, Jem wasn't severely intoxicated. She was able to give directions to her flat. Conveniently, it was a short drive from her colleague's.

"Hey, Yaz?" Jem asked when she'd grabbed her things from the car's passenger seat. She met eyes with the dark-haired woman. "Do you want to come in?"

Yaz drew in a sharp breath. As much as that was tempting, she knew better. Plus, she'd only known Jem a week.

"Nah, you get some rest. I'll see you on Monday, though!" she smiled and watched as Jem walked through the building's dim doors.

Upon getting home, Yaz kicked off her shoes and fell back onto her bed. _What the fuck was that?_

She had just gone out to socialize with new friends, with no intention to do anything stupid. But, she'd made out with a woman she had met not even a week previously. Worse, she made out with a _drunk _woman she barely knew. She scolded herself for that, knowing she could have easily turned her down sooner and diffused the situation.

But it felt so _nice. _Their lips pressed together had been almost perfect. Why did she have to fuck that up? In any other situation, maybe she _would _have gone up with Jem.

But not tonight. Not when she had had a little too much to drink. Not when Yaz would ultimately regret it and feel mortified every time she walked into the school.

"Oh, god," she groaned. Her coworkers knew, didn't they? They hadn't exactly been discreet, and she'd made the poor choice of wearing a red lip shade.

Flipping the light on in her bathroom, she assessed the damage. Thankfully, her makeup hadn't made a complete mess. Still, there were pink marks around her lips and a small smear down her chin. She quickly removed it, wanting just to forget that it'd ever happened.

It was all she could do to hope that, when Monday came, she wouldn't have to relive this embarrassment.

Of course, forgetting was easier said than done.

"Have a good weekend?" Heather asked with a smirk on Monday morning.

_God-_fucking-_damnit. _

"Yeah, do anything fun?" Mark chimed in.

"Not really, no. Mostly just prep for this week." she answered with a tight smile and reddened face.

She busied herself making a mug of tea, hoping she could pretend that nothing had happened between herself and Jem. Hoping that Mark and Heather would drop the subject and leave her be.

Similar conversations occurred over the next few days and weeks. She'd walk into the staff room, check to see that Jem wasn't in, and make her tea in silence. Sometimes, if she did see Jem, she'd immediately walk out.

She knew that her colleagues noticed. She knew they teased, but they were just having fun. Some students seemed to have caught onto the chatter, too. There were words flung around about something happening between Ms. Khan and Ms. Smith. But really, nothing was there.

They caught each other's gazes in the hallway between classes, but Yaz tried her best to avoid staring. Even when Jem wore one of her suits under her coat.

_God, those suits. _

No, she couldn't be distracted by that. She just needed to focus on her teaching and ignore the little rumors that passed her ears.

Each new day, though, that proved a bit harder.

"G'morning!" smiling eyes startled her.

Yaz kept her eyes on her hands while stirring in her sugar. Why was Jem making this so hard? It wasn't fair. She was so beautiful, just looking at her made Yaz dizzy.

She steadied her breathing and returned the greeting. How was a woman she'd known for a month making her act like a nervous 15 year-old? And why was she already feeling a rush between her legs?

_Not fair._

"Listen, can we talk?"

_Fuck._

Yaz lifted her face to see Jem waiting for an answer.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." _Here we go._

Jem led her out of the staff room and into a nearby cupboard, to give them some privacy. Yaz saw her coworkers give a little laugh, and silently cursed them. They really weren't helping the situation.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk-"

Once again, Jem interrupted Yaz with her lips.

She pulled away quickly this time.

"Wait, Jem. We _barely _know each other."

"I know, it's just...god, you're gorgeous."

"I know you were a little tipsy that Friday. I'm sorry I let that happen, you really don't need to do this." she furrowed her eyebrows. All of this was so confusing, she couldn't tell if she wanted to keep kissing Jem or if she wanted to run away.

Jem shook her head.

"Yaz, I _want _this. I know we've just met, I know it's maybe too much. But, what's the fun in life if you don't throw caution to the wind sometimes?" her breathing was heavy, and her eyes flicked between Yaz's eyes and lips.

The ground beneath Yaz seemed to start to give way. She couldn't really comprehend what was happening. She'd never felt something so strong for anyone before.

Her logic fought with her wants and caused a flurry in her head.

"I want it too, Jem. But, are you sure? I feel like a kid," she chuckled.

"I know, I do too. I don't know how to act around you, Yaz," Jem rasped.

They were quiet for a bit, hot breaths filling the air around them and doing nothing to quell the arousal building in the pit of Yaz's stomach.

"When I see you in the halls, all I want to do…" Jem trailed off, instead choosing to show Yaz what she was saying.

Her hands pushed Yaz against the back wall of the cupboard. Her wrists were pinned on either side of her head while Jem's mouth met her own. She let out a soft moan, trying her best to keep quiet.

Her hands raked through Jem's blonde hair, holding on as if she would slip away if she let go.

"Wait, wait," Yaz gasped. "Should we really be doing this? Here, in a cupboard?" she laughed.

"Well, unless you want me to take you into the open…"

She shook her head and brought Jem's lips back to her.

Jem's hand made its way toward the hem of Yaz's blouse. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't protest. Being there, in that moment, felt so good. Almost perfect.

She pulled the shirt out from under Yaz's trousers. The contact of her cool hand to hot skin sparked in the air. Another noise left their mouths, a hum to unify their bodies.

Fingers snaked up to her breasts, wasting no time in freeing them from the bra and pinching a stiffened nipple. Jem squeezed and flicked around it, drawing needy breaths from Yaz's throat.

In turn, Yaz reached for the braces connected to Jem's own trousers. She slipped her hand into her underwear, feeling the slick heat that she'd hoped for.

"Shit," Jem breathed. She smiled against Yaz's lips and brought their bodies closer together, giving her partner an easier reach.

Yaz slid her fingers up and down Jem's hot folds. She felt so good, so smooth and fitting and _beautiful. _

Both of them edged closer and closer to climax, exchanging body heat and purrs for each other.

The only things in existence in that moment were two women indulging themselves in the arousal of the other's body. Not an abandoned mop leaning against the wall. Not the cleaning supplies threatening to fall off of shelves.

Not even the hustle of students arriving to start their school day.

_Oh, fuck._

Or, maybe those students did exist, and they were on the other side of the unlocked door behind Jem.

Yaz's rhythm had faltered, but Jem had moved her mouth to her nipples and her hand to her clit. She struggled to keep in a shout as she was brought over the edge, legs trembling and hips bucking.

"Jem," she strained. "How are we going to get out of this?" she was smiling, but truly she was terrified of being found out.

They did their best to fix themselves up quickly before Jem took a look through the door.

"Okay, I'll go first and you can wait a bit."

She turned around and planted another kiss on Yaz's lips.

"But don't think I'm done with you," she husked. Her lowered voice caused Yaz's stomach to flip and heart to race.

She slipped through the door, making sure to check for students or their fellow staff. Throwing a wink behind her, she slinked to her classroom, doing her best to straighten her shirt out before she walked in.

Yaz took a moment to breathe. _Wow, _she thought. Of all things, she hadn't expected _that _to happen this morning.

Her mind was elsewhere for the rest of the day. She was far away from herself and her teaching, running on autopilot while her thoughts were filled with Jem's soft moans.

She couldn't wait to continue where they'd left off.


	5. Girl's Night

The Doctor looked so peaceful when she was sleeping, rare as it was. She'd passed out on the lounge sofa almost immediately after they'd returned from their latest adventure (they'd done a lot of running, mainly trying to capture a cyan goose for some king).

The three companions gathered in the control room.

"D'you think we should wait for her to wake up?" Graham asked, brows furrowed as he watched the rise and fall of the crystal in the console.

"I can, if you want. You guys can go home. I think we've landed back in Sheffield, if the TARDIS has chosen to work properly." the boys nodded and they heard a disgruntled chime from the ship.

"Okay, Yaz. As long as you're sure?"

"I'll be fine, Graham, thanks. Go get some sleep yourselves, I'm sure you're just as tired as she is."

"You're right with that," Ryan chuckled as he gave a nod and walked through the double doors into the evening. Judging by his calm demeanor, they'd got home safe.

Yaz returned to the sleeping Time Lord. Her eyes twitched slightly beneath her eyelids, and her mouth was parted _just_ a bit. Truthfully, she looked silly and child-like, but Yaz found it endearing. She looked as if she hadn't a worry in the universe. So serene, completely unlike her normal expressions during consciousness.

Her slow breathing disturbed some of the stray hairs laying across her face, moving them up to her nose until they settled back down. Yaz found herself staring, taking in all that the Time Lord was in her slumber.

Her chest (which Yaz _wasn't _staring at) rose with each breath, slightly stretching the material of her t-shirt. Her hands twitched every so often. One was settled above her head, and the other lay flat on her stomach. The cushions sagged a bit over the edge of the sofa, mostly due to the Doctor's legs hanging past them. She looked so soft like this, and Yaz almost felt guilty for taking so much time to look at her.

Not seeing any change in consciousness in the next half hour, Yaz decided to busy herself. She headed off to the TARDIS kitchen. She thought that the Doctor might appreciate a treat when she woke up.

Her head was full of the Doctor as she pulled ingredients from the cupboards.

The soft pink of her lips, little movements of her fingers, twitches of her nose. The curves of her body that changed with every deep breath. They were mesmerizing. Yaz's mind scanned over every inch of the Time Lord, from the stray hairs on her head to the loose laces on her boots.

Her imagination wandered further, leaving her hands working on their own to mix together the cookie dough.

The Doctor's hands trailing to her suspenders, pulling them slowly off of her shoulders. Moving to her waistband, teasing at removing her trousers. Her t-shirt coming from beneath them, hanging loosely off of her body.

Pale skin revealed as Yaz took initiative and freed the Doctor from her top. Beautiful, delicate dips and hills of her body, culminating at her captivating breasts. A smirk across her lips before she took the liberty of taking her bra off…

Yaz shook her head lightly. She couldn't think like that, especially about the Doctor. They were just friends, and it wasn't fair to either of them to think that they were anything more. It wasn't fair to herself to wish for some sort of closer relationship between them. She would have to be okay with a friendship, which was apparently easier said than done.

She made a cup of tea while the cookies baked, choosing to take her mind away from her previous thoughts. She imagined sleep. Yaz wasn't sure how tired she was, but taking a nap after the cookies were done seemed like a good idea. That was, if the Doctor hadn't awoke by then and she could actually distract herself from her wandering eyes.

Once the cookies were set to cool on the counter, Yaz padded back to the lounge to check on her friend.

It looked like she was out cold, so she draped a blanket over her (finally). Then, she took a seat in a chair opposite the sofa. She figured she could get a small nap in as long as the Doctor was still sleeping. She didn't want something to happen, not that anything would, but she still worried. It was hard not to worry when she was around the Doctor. Usually she worried about their safety on some of their adventures, but this time around she was mostly worried the Time Lord would get herself into trouble if left alone half-asleep.

Yaz felt herself slipping into sleep. She was content, with a pillow beneath her head and a warm blanket covering her body. Her mind wandered into more thoughts of the Doctor, and this time she didn't push them away. She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

Yaz woke up to the sound of something falling in the kitchen.

"Oops," came a soft voice.

With a tired groan, she lifted herself from her chair. She checked over her braided hair, smoothing down the strays that had escaped in her sleep.

"How was your nap?" she chuckled when she saw the Doctor. It turned out she'd knocked a glass of milk off of the table by accident. Her cheeks turned pink when she saw that she'd been found out.

"Okay, I guess. I must have really needed it, though. I normally don't need that much sleep."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Usually, I only need about an hour or two a month. Maybe I should try sleeping more?" it seemed like she was talking to herself now.

Yaz saw that the counter now held a few less cookies than it had when she'd left them.

"I see that you found your treat," she smiled.

"Oh, yeah! Thanks for that," the Doctor took a sip from her new glass of milk.

They sat in a bit of an awkward silence, both still waking up and unsure of what to do next.

"Hey," Yaz grabbed the Doctor's attention. "Did that stress you as much as it did me? I mean, having to find that goose, for one. But, also everything else we had to do for that king."

"I suppose, yeah. We've definitely been through harder, but he made us do _so much _running!" they laughed, remembering the demanding monarch.

An idea struck Yaz. She wasn't sure if she should even ask, but she didn't want to have to go back home. Not when she could spend more time alone with the Doctor. Not when they could have actual time to become closer (_not like that_).

She cleared her throat, "We could do a girl's night, maybe? Take time to relax?"

The Doctor's eyes widened.

"Girl's night?"

"I mean, only if you want to. We don't have to. I get it if you don't-"

"No, Yaz, I'd like to do that. Yeah. It's just, I don't think I've ever actually _had_ a girl's night." she grinned sheepishly.

"Oh. Right, of course. Sorry," Yaz apologized. "Well, we could start by going out to the shops? It's always fun to buy snacks and other items to use to relax."

The Doctor nodded, excited and nervous about her very first 'girl's night.'

A short while later, they returned from the shops carrying bags of snacks and face masks and nail polish and other items they weren't sure they'd actually use.

Yaz could feel her heart starting to race. It was just a relaxing night, she tried to convince herself. She couldn't let herself get carried away.

Still, she found herself continuing to stare at the Doctor while she wasn't looking. It was embarrassing.

The Doctor had picked out a movie that she thought they'd like. Something about traveling the world, but they only laughed at how ridiculous it made everything seem. They spent it making fun of the characters and the scenarios they were put through.

Near the end, Yaz caught the Doctor's eyes with her own. It wasn't intentional, but they'd both been chuckling and the Time Lord was so intoxicating like this. She shone like the sun when she smiled. Her eyes sparkled and Yaz thought she could see her pupils dilate when they made eye contact.

A thought hit Yaz out of nowhere.

"Doctor, I know this is your first time as a woman," she winced mentally at the connotation of that sentence. "But have you ever had your hair braided, or done it yourself?"

The Time Lord pondered for a moment.

"You know, I think I tried once. But that had to have been centuries ago."

"Um, would you mind if I tried to? Braid your hair, I mean."

The Doctor nodded and flashed a smile before she followed Yaz's instructions to sit on the ground in front of her.

She'd never admit it aloud, but it was hard to concentrate while the Doctor sat between her separated knees. A familiar heat rushed between her thighs. This was the worst time to feel turned on. Especially since the woman she had feelings for was mere inches from where arousal was pooling. It definitely wasn't helping that she had decided to change into shorts for the night.

_Fucking hell_, Yaz cursed herself.

She tried to pull her thoughts away from the gutter and attempted to focus all attention on the task at hand. Her fingers combed through blonde hair, separating it into three segments. Yaz had decided to do the Doctor's hair similar to her own style; a simple french braid.

"That feels nice," the Time Lord admitted, leaning back ever-so slightly.

All Yaz could do was give a hum in response, worried she'd make a fool of herself if she tried to talk. But, who was she kidding? She would probably make a fool of herself if she never spoke again.

The scent of lilac wafted up to her nose. She'd never noticed the smell of the Doctor before, and was surprised that it was so light. She seemed like the sort of person to use too many clashing scents on her body, but all it was was a small hit of floral notes.

Yaz took a breath and said, "You smell nice, Doctor. Where did you get your shampoo?"

She felt her friend stiffen for just a second before relaxing again.

"I don't really remember, actually. I must have put it into the TARDIS bathrooms ages ago in case any of my companions needed it, but I took a liking to it myself." she giggled.

The Doctor's giggle was soothing. Admittedly, before tonight it had been a little while since she'd laughed this much. Yaz was glad to hear her happiness again, to be able to experience it with her. It put her heart at ease. Maybe she'd be able to remember that they were only friends after all.

That was her thought just before the Doctor scooted in closer. Her loose hairs tickled the inside of Yaz's thighs. Her shoulders brushed against the exposed skin past her knees. It was hard to keep her thoughts in the present moment. All she could seem to imagine was the Time Lord turning around and doing unspeakable things between her legs.

_For fuck's sake, Yasmin._

At that point, Yaz had nearly been lost to her fantasies. She hadn't finished the braid, and was instead just running her fingers through the blonde locks. It was almost like she was petting it, albeit absentmindedly.

"Yaz?" the Doctor spoke, tearing Yaz from the depths of her mind.

She stammered, "Oh, uh, sorry. I just...zoned out for a bit."

"No," the Time Lord said sharply. "I mean, no, it felt good. I didn't realize I liked to have my hair played with." her cheeks flushed pink as she turned her head to look at Yaz.

Yaz also had a pink tint on her face, not really sure what to say. She certainly hadn't expected the Doctor, of all people, to admit to enjoy something like playing with hair.

With their eyes locked, Yaz caught herself stroking the Doctor's cheek. It had only been a second, but she could have sworn that the Time Lord had leaned into her touch. Still, she yanked her hand away, embarrassed as ever.

"Oh, my god. Sorry, Doctor," she blushed profusely. "I...I didn't mean to."

She tried to stand up, but remembered that the Doctor was sitting right in front of her and didn't make it very far.

The Time Lord placed a hand on Yaz's knee.

"Hey, it's okay." the Doctor smiled.

"Are you sure?" Yaz questioned shakily. She was so afraid that the Doctor would resent her for touching her, but this was not what she'd expected.

The Doctor brought Yaz's hand to her cheek again.

"I'm sure."

They spent a moment seemingly frozen in time. Their eyes didn't wander and their hands rested against each other.

Yaz took a chance and leaned down, bringing her lips to the Doctor's.

She was met with gratitude. A warmth was shared between them, spreading from their meeting tongues to their intertwined fingers. The kiss seemed to last forever, both women reveling in the closeness of their bodies.

The Doctor turned around to face Yaz once they had parted. She had a smile on her face, whereas her companion's looked more shocked.

"Are you okay?" she asked Yaz, moving to sit next to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just never expected that to happen," she confessed.

"Me either."

Yaz ran her hand through the Doctor's hair before trailing further down to the nape of her neck. She felt the slightest shudder under her touch. Her other hand reached under one side of her suspenders.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

The Doctor hummed "mhm" before their lips met again and Yaz pushed her suspenders off of her shoulders.

She held onto the Doctor as she felt hands wandering to the hem of her shirt. They tugged lightly before she broke the kiss and let the fabric come up and over her head. Cool air hit her skin, raising tiny goosebumps across her back and arms.

"Wow," the Doctor breathed onto Yaz's chest. "You're gorgeous." she kissed the words onto her collar bones, searing their meaning into dark marks. She nipped at her neck, eliciting a needy moan from her partner's mouth.

They worked together to remove Yaz's bra and the Doctor's top as well. The women took a moment to simply look at each other, admiring the beauty glistening on their skin in the dim light of the lounge.

Yaz released a heavy sigh as the Doctor took a dark nipple in her mouth, the other being tugged by her hand. A skilled tongue teased around her skin, leaving it shimmering in the light. Her breathing became irregular as the blonde snaked her way lower.

She ran her fingernails lighty down Yaz's torso. The latter's back arched as she felt her shorts being yanked away from her body, quickly moving to ease them off.

The Doctor ran her eyes down her companion's body, hovering a moment between her legs, hunger shining in her irises. She raised her hands to her shoulders and pushed Yaz to lay on the couch.

"Is this what you want?" The Doctor asked, eyes dark with lust.

"Doctor, this is what I've wanted for a long time,"

"Prove it." she demanded.

Yaz eagerly stretched to remove the older woman's trousers, noting the soft moan that left her lips when she was exposed to the room.

Their lips crashed again in a wave of desire. Yaz reached her hand toward the Doctor's core, but the Time Lord was quick to pin her hands on either side of her head.

"Me first." she spoke. Her words spiked the arousal gathering in the pit of Yaz's abdomen.

Deft fingers teased their way down the middle of her stomach, sending little shocks of want through her body. Once they'd reached their destination, Yaz raised her hips to urge them to quell the greed she felt.

The Doctor ran a finger lightly across her clit, barely for a second. Yaz closed her eyes as a moan fell out of her mouth.

"Eyes open, Yaz." the blonde commanded.

A shaky breath released itself from Yaz's lungs as she met the Doctor's gaze. She kept eye contact as well as she could while she felt her partner begin to trace circles around her stiffened bud.

She could hear the slick sounds made when fingers slid through her folds, which only caused her to become more aroused. They curled away from her entrance and Yaz tried to guess from the look in the Doctor's eye what the Time Lord had planned.

Two fingers pressed just outside of her entrance.

"Okay?" the Doctor asked.

Yaz nodded her approval.

She gasped as the Doctor moved further inside, taking her time to feel around her clenching walls.

Yaz hadn't felt anything like this before, but maybe that was because it had never been the Doctor. Everything felt different and new with her. She made even the mundane seem exciting when she was made happy by silly human things.

"Oh, fuck," Yaz nearly cried as the Doctor quickened her pace.

The blonde licked her lips before capturing Yaz in another intoxicating kiss.

Yaz could feel the Time Lord's breasts against her own. The sensation added to the pleasure she was feeling from the fingers pumping in and out of her. Her breathing was becoming labored as she could feel herself nearing orgasm.

"Doctor, I-"

"Shush, now, love."

She listened to the older woman and ignored her previous instructions to keep her eyes open. She squeezed them shut as her hips bucked and her throat yelped.

The Doctor's head dropped to a nipple, free hand holding Yaz against the couch and occupied hand giving her the best orgasm she thinks she's ever had.

Euphoria shot to her head and all through her body she felt pangs of bliss. Her breath caught in her throat as she rode through the waves of a heady frenzy. She could feel how tightly she clenched around the Doctor's fingers. White flashed behind her eyelids at the peak of it, with her back arched and legs trembling.

She hardly felt the Doctor remove herself from on top of her body as she came down from her high.

Her eyes opened a few moments later to reveal a smirking Doctor, seemingly pleased with her handiwork.

"Woah," was all Yaz could utter.

This drew a chuckle from her partner's chest.

"Does this mean it's my turn next?" the Doctor asked. She looked needy in front of Yaz.

"I suppose," Yaz mused, a smile spreading across her features. "Do you mind if I stay here though?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she cleared her throat. "Sit on my face."

The Doctor seemed to nearly come then and there, the mere suggestion stirring her carnal need. She didn't need telling twice, and crawled over Yaz's body to kneel above her mouth.

"You sure you're ready?" her companion teased.

"Yes, Yaz. Fuck, I need this. _Now._"

Wasting no time, Yaz lifted her tongue to lap at the arousal that had pooled beneath the Doctor's folds. Her hands grabbed hold of her firm ass, giving a light squeeze as she swiped her tongue again.

The Doctor started breathing heavily already, with little moans of gratitude exiting her lips. The sounds grew in volume as Yaz's tongue began to lick needily along the edges of the blonde's entrance.

It was clear that she wouldn't last long, and Yaz wanted to draw it out as long as she could, but another part of her was impatient to feel the older woman unravel onto her.

Her tongue flicked at and her mouth sucked on the Doctor's clit as the moans came closer together.

The desperate desire was clear in the notes sung from the Time Lord's throat. They were a different sort of music to Yaz's ears. A genre unlike any other, and one that was hers alone.

With a particularly deep stroke of Yaz's tongue, the Doctor was pushed over the edge. She shouted obscenities into the room and her body flooded with warmth. Her companion lapped greedily at what she had spilled, only causing her to keel over.

The intensity of the orgasm surprised her, but in the best way she could imagine.

"Fuck, Yaz. You're bloody brilliant." she breathed, bringing herself to sit across the younger woman's stomach.

Their eyes met and both showed pupils that had blown out. A comfortable silence sat around them for a few moments as they caught their breaths.

Neither had imagined their night would turn out like this.

Yaz shifted herself from under the Doctor and moved to sit upright.

"So," she sighed.

"So,"

"What happens next? I mean, we can't just go back to how it was yesterday, can we? How do we-"

The Doctor cut her off with a soft kiss. It didn't last very long, but their faces lingered inches apart.

The blond ran her thumbs gently across Yaz's cheeks and rested their foreheads together.

"Oh, Yaz, shut up," she laughed. "It won't be the same. Ever. But, we can take it a moment at a time."

She ran her hands through dark hair that lay messy against her companion's head.

"Yeah?" Yaz queried.

"Yeah."

"Where do we start? I mean, I don't know, this is so new."

"Well," the Doctor spoke tenderly. "We can start with this moment. Right here, right now. You and me, sat on the sofa. Close. Happy."

Yaz smiled sweetly.

"Close," she echoed.

"Happy," the Doctor took her into another loving kiss.

Their bodies molded together, forming a machine that lived off of the warmth and emotion felt by them in that very moment.

They were close. And they were so very happy.


	6. Forget the Lies

"'Ey, Doc, what's all this dust? I feel like I should be sneezing, but…" Graham trailed off, following a few of the glittering particles as they fell.

"This, my friends," the Doctor smiled wide as her companions looked at her. "is something the locals call 'hornswoggle powder.'"

They bore into her as if she'd grown a third eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan asked.

The blonde beamed, "I'm glad you asked!" her friends just rolled their eyes and chuckled. She would have done this even if they hadn't asked. "Now, 'hornswoggle' is originally an English word, if you can believe it. It means to deceive or cheat somebody. That is to say, the powder is usually used as a component of a lot of pranks."

Her fam still weren't quite following, but she could tell they were interested.

"It can be gathered from its plants just by shaking them. It's kind of like a pollen that can do more than spread. It has next to no effect on whoever inhales it, which is why you aren't sneezing. And don't worry, it's completely harmless to humans.

"Usually, hornswoggle powder is mixed into food or drink. Once ingested, the 'victim,'" she used her fingers as air quotes, "sort of becomes a compulsive liar. It's the opposite of a truth serum; any answer they try to give will be the opposite of the truth. Most of the time it's used as a party trick or silly prank among the adolescent population."

She paused.

"Sometimes, though," her expression darkened slightly. "Sometimes it's used among criminals or corrupt officers. It can be snuck into food or injected into the victim to cause them to lie. In the case of interrogation, it's used to get false confessions out of people for personal gain, or to target a rival organization."

Yaz, Graham, and Ryan weren't sure what to say in response. The tone of the conversation had changed abruptly and had caught them off guard.

"Not today, though!" the Doctor was smiling again, much to the relief of her companions. "Not here. Right now, we're safe as bugs in a rug."

"Doctor, that's not how the saying goes." Yaz laughed, trying to correct her friend, but was blissfully ignored.

The Doctor led them deeper into the lush greenery, giving them fragments of information on some of the flora. Sometimes she would gasp excitedly and eagerly point out a funny-shaped flower. Other times she would grow comically serious and give a plant as wide a girth as she could manage.

One time, she tripped over a brightly-colored root and pouted as her friends teased her.

"I'm telling you, those root plants _hate_ humanoids!" she had claimed.

"Why didn't we get tripped, then, Doc'?" Graham retorted.

The Doctor had stammered, "I - Well - Uh, it must have just got confused."

Her cheeks flushed pink when she was subject to more playful laughter from her fam, and they marched on through the expansive naturescape.

After a while of wandering through massive leaves, Yaz grabbed the Doctor's attention.

"Doctor, what's this one?" she was pulling lightly on a large red-hued petal.

A puzzled look flitted across the Time Lord's face.

"Oh, I don't know," she remarked. "I don't think I've seen it before."

The Doctor's vision blurred slightly, and she couldn't seem to focus her eyes on the flower. She squinted, trying her best to make out the details she thought she detected.

But, to no avail. Her eyes were crossing and her head spun. She rested against a pillar.

That pillar had been there before, right?

"Doctor, are you alright?" Yaz asked, and the blonde's eyes finally focused.

Her friend was standing next to a hanging rug. Where were they?

"Yeah, I'm not. I mean, I am. I'm fine." she dismissed her worry with a wave of her hand.

The Doctor shook her head, eyes adjusting to the department store she found herself in.

"What happened to the plants?"

The trio of companions just stared confused at their friend.

"What plants? We're looking for a couple of rugs, remember?" Graham's eyes pierced the Doctor's, trying to peer into her mind and decipher what was going on.

Oh, yeah. She had insisted they take a break from adventures and look for rugs to put in the TARDIS lounges. She must have become distracted, or bored. She must have been daydreaming.

Why was her head beginning to pound with each rapid heartbeat?

Why was she so, _so tired_?

Her hands dragged across her face in an attempt to wipe the fatigue from her features. She stumbled slightly, struggling to keep herself walking when she was hit with an intense wave of exhaustion.

"Doc'? You okay?" Ryan caught her by the elbow before she tumbled to the floor.

"Yeah, I'm...fine. Just...need some...rest…" her eyelids weighed heavy in her vision. She could feel herself slipping into unconsciousness and onto the floor.

Yaz's head throbbed.

She could feel herself suspended from something, crucifixion-style. Her wrists held her weight and strained in their restraints. She couldn't feel or move her legs, but she could tell they pulled her body toward the floor. Her head hung past her shoulders, her neck seemingly out of service.

Slowly, she found herself able to lift her head.

Her eyes adjusted to the dark room she was in. Dim blue lights dotted the floor beneath her, the only indication of the size of the room. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to hold various tables with miscellaneous items she couldn't make out.

Across the room, a white light flicked on underneath another person in the same position as she.

"Doctor?" she attempted to call out, met only with a weak rasp. None of this made sense.

She couldn't remember how she got here, why she was being held here, why it was just her and the Doctor. Everything was fuzzy in her mind. She thought she could recall something about being chased, but by who, or what, or why, wasn't clear.

The light below the Doctor flicked off. Had that been just to tell Yaz that she was trapped and so was the only person she thought could save her?

Everything was all wrong.

She tried again to speak into the heavy silence, but her mouth didn't connect to her brain and no sound escaped.

A tear fell from her eye, dropping silently to the cold floor. Her head screamed as it tried to keep her from falling into another disturbed slumber.

It was no match. Her mind turned to black.

Shouting and screaming echoed around and through her ears.

"Doctor!" Yaz cried. Where was she?

Clouds of smoke and ash littered the darkened sky above her head.

What was happening?

_War. _She could sort of remember.

_It wasn't meant to end like this. The Doctor had assured them, they could prevent this. Where was she now, when humanity was busy slaughtering each other? Where had she gone and left her companions for dead?_

Yaz blinked tears from her eyes. She couldn't tell if they were from shock or because the parched air burned them.

A gust of hot air cleared smoke to her left, and she could barely make out an unconscious heap of someone.

Her tired legs carried her toward them, view of a singed blue-grey coat and dirtied blonde hair spread across her vision.

The Doctor.

She felt herself running now, huffing to reach the woman lying on the rumbling earth.

"Doctor? Doctor, are you alright?" she heard no response.

Her hands took in a wrist, aching to find a pulse.

Barely there, the telltale Time Lord heartbeat.

_Thank the gods._

She gently shook the woman, hoping that she would wake up.

A strangled breath left her lips, a much needed sign of approaching consciousness.

"Yaz? That you?" she barely managed a whisper.

The young woman only nodded, grabbing the Doctor's hand and squeezing.

Her hand clamped around nothing. The Doctor had disappeared. But, how? She had just been in front of her, stirring to life before her eyes and now she was gone.

Everything was all wrong.

Sobs tore from her aching lungs and the cries turned to hacking coughs as she inhaled too much smoke.

The Doctor _couldn't _be dead. Yaz refused to think about that. She was just alive in her hands but had seemingly dissolved into a memory within a fraction of a second.

Nothing was making sense.

What had happened here? Who were they fighting? _Why _were they fighting?

Breaths came and went quickly, leaving Yaz feeling light-headed and unable to stand. She slumped to the dirt, defeated and worn.

A heavy throbbing returned with force. It pushed her further toward the ground, capturing her in immense pain.

Pathetic cries tore from her throat as her ears lost the sounds around her and filled with the rush of blood through her head.

Her head jerked before her eyes popped open.

The dark room again. Where was this place?

A sinister chuckle echoed behind her and a chill ran down her spine. She knew that laugh.

"Yasmin, Yasmin, Yasmin," the voice teased. "I always knew you were a favorite of hers." the figure who possessed the voice pointed to the Doctor. He stepped into the light.

Even though Yaz had known it was him, her breath still caught in her throat.

"What do you want from us?"

Another deep laugh.

"The usual, I think. Pain, drawn out. Suffering." he smiled. Her stomach turned.

He paused a moment before turning on the light on the Doctor's "pedestal," of sorts.

"I want to get to her. To make her feel pain similar to what I feel _all the time. _I knew that, to do so, I would need you, Yasmin Khan." he sneered. "It's so obvious how she sees you. A lonely Time Lord, surrounding herself with friends and picking a pretty, young companion to flirt with. You're all the same, you know. You follow after her like lost puppies, and bend to her every will. You'd do anything for her. She's got into your head, and you won't be able to shake her from it. Trust me," he huffed. "I know how that feels."

Yaz felt sick. He was just saying this to get under her skin. She refused to think of his name, but it was almost like he was forcing it into her head.

_Master. _

"We're friends." she insisted, but the Master just laughed. "I'm a human. I know she's lonely, even though she doesn't let it show. But don't tell me that she relies on us only for personal gain. She's not like that."

"Oh, you have _no idea _what she's like. Did you know she and I used to kill our own people sometimes, for fun? You don't know the first thing about the Doctor, Yaz. You have no clue the monstrous things she's done."

"I don't believe you." she spat.

"It's true." A hurting voice came from the other side of the room.

"What? Doctor, no, you're not like that!" Yaz insisted.

"Yaz, I am like that. I _was _like that. I was horrible," she turned her attention to the Master. "But I decided to _change. _I decided I was better than that. Better than the killings, the hurt. Better than you." she spoke pointedly.

The man between them scoffed.

The Doctor breathed deep, "What were those visions we had? I'm assuming they were your creations?"

He smiled wide.

"Yes. Though, I had hoped to keep you both unconscious long enough to _really _dig the knife in."

"What do you _want_? Information? An admittance of defeat?" the Doctor's face contorted into a piercing question.

"Truthfully, I don't usually know," a sickening laugh sounded from his mouth. "I just like to see you suffer, as I have suffered. At the hands of _you._"

"Tell us what you want!" Yaz yelled, having found the courage to stand up for herself.

The Master just laughed again. He seemed to really love laughing at his victims, making a mockery of the hurt they went through.

"Oh, Yaz, do shut up." he sighed. "This isn't about you. I only needed you to get at the Doctor, because I'm sure we all know-"

"_Enough._" the Doctor snapped. "Let her go."

He appeared to think on the demand, as if he was actually considering it.

"Hm," he pondered. "No. I'm in your head, Doctor. I see your thoughts. I know what you think about her. I have the upperhand here."

Yaz's face held confusion, and maybe, just maybe a _touch _of hope. What did the Doctor think of her?

No. This was no time to pine over a woman who was currently in danger.

"I could kill her," the Master said nonchalantly, gesturing toward Yaz. "Take her away from you. What would you do then, Doctor? Would you continue pretending that you possess strong morals? Would you finally let humans see just how dark your soul is?"

"If you even lay a hand on her," the Doctor threatened.

Her words landed flat. She was restrained and powerless. There was nothing she could do to stop her best enemy from killing the young woman she admired so strongly.

But, she couldn't dwell on that now. She had to focus on finding a way out.

"I used those visions in your 'dreams' to gain access to your thoughts. The Doctor, a heart yearning but afraid to admit. You really are pitiful, aren't you?" he taunted.

She glared at him.

"And Yasmin," he turned. "A young woman from a stupid human town. Silly girl, longing after someone you hardly know. Do you know how _old, _how _ancient _she is? Compared to her, you're a mite on her shirt."

Yaz shook the hurt from her face. He was lying. He had to be. There was no way a being such as the Doctor would find herself caught up in feelings for a girl like her.

She cursed herself for wondering about that in such a life-threatening moment.

"Leave her alone." the Doctor pleaded. Her voice displayed the hurt she was suffering.

Yaz found herself held in the Doctor's gaze after she spoke. In her eyes she saw vulnerability like she'd never known the Time Lord to possess before. It was almost like she could see her own thoughts reflected in those hazel-colored irises.

A lost girl reaching for something to feel, to hold onto. Yaz had found that in the Doctor.

Had the Doctor found that in her?

The Master mocked his old friend with a nasty laugh.

"Do you want me to be scared? To be frightened that you may try to overthrow me to save some pathetic human girl? Please, Doctor. We both know I am worth so much more than her, and it wouldn't matter if she just," he made a "pop" sound with his mouth, "disappeared."

Defeat felt inevitable. Yaz and the Doctor were under the Master's control, suspended painfully before him and forced to endure whatever torture he wanted them to.

Yaz's head felt full of lead. Her heart ached. Would it really matter so little if she were to "disappear," as the Master put it? Did she mean so little to everyone?

"What was it for?" she asked.

He chuckled, "What?"

"The visions you gave us. You said you needed me to get at her, but what was the purpose?"

He sighed.

"For her, I just needed some silly little scenarios to keep her placated. Keep her unconscious while I worked on the bait." the Master wrung his hands as he paced between the women. "For you, Yaz, I needed something strong. I gave you nightmares of war and manslaughter. And where was she in these visions?" he smiled toward the Doctor.

The weary Time Lord just hung her head, no longer able to keep her gaze level.

"Nowhere to be seen. Left the battlefield, letting the humans kill themselves. Oh, and when she did appear," he turned to Yaz, "which I did not intend to happen, by the way. You have a very strong will," he laughed. "I had to quickly pluck her out. Couldn't have you thinking she'd _actually _help, now could I?"

Yaz glared. Then, a thought popped into her head. Surely the Master couldn't have been so dense.

Still, she lifted her head and gave him a smug smile.

"And why are you telling us? I mean, if you wanted me to doubt her so she'd feel weak, surely you'd keep that to yourself? I wouldn't think a _Time Lord _such as yourself would let slip such seemingly crucial information."

She heard the Doctor let out a soft laugh across the room.

"She's right, _Master._" she teased his name. With newfound strength, she raised her head to stare at her sworn enemy.

He didn't let his facade waver, but she could tell they'd struck him well.

"Didn't think this through, did you?" Yaz mocked.

To the side, Yaz could see the Doctor working herself free while she maintained eye contact with the Master. She did her best to hold his angered gaze while her friend quietly slipped from her constraints.

It almost looked like he was about to counter her argument, or to make more snide comments, before the Doctor came from behind and seemingly paralyzed him. His eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped back into her grip.

"Non-lethal stun device," she explained. "He may be one of the worst people I've ever known, but it's true what I said earlier. I've changed."

Yaz just nodded. She trusted the Doctor enough to know she was telling the truth.

Silence filled the air between them as the Time Lord worked Yaz free.

Behind her conscience, doubt clouded Yaz's thoughts of the Doctor. Was what the Master said true? It made sense, a boring little human made no comparison to a Time Lord. She couldn't help thinking that she might just be an accessory for the alien while they travelled.

With a final _click _of a cuff around her wrist, Yaz dropped to the cool ground beneath her. The Doctor caught and held her gently under her arms. She used her friend as an anchor while she attempted to gain the use of her legs back.

"Hey," the Doctor spoke softly. "It's not true, you know,"

"What's not?" Despite the question, Yaz was sure she knew.

A sigh blew past the Doctor's lips, "You aren't pathetic. I mean, no human is, but especially not you."

Yaz was able to support her own weight now and used the ability to lean back and look the Doctor in the eye. She could feel the sincerity behind the words, but she couldn't help the worry that tinged the edges of her thoughts.

"I'm serious," the Doctor said after a few minutes without a response. "He tried to get under your skin, it's what he does. But, it's not the truth."

She took Yaz's left hand in her right.

"Yasmin Khan, you are not and could never be pathetic. Especially not to me."

Now hot tears were starting to seep from Yaz's eyes. It wasn't her intention to cry, but the events they had just endured had caught up with her. And the weight of the words she was hearing just added to the oncoming flood.

It was all she could do to give the Doctor a weak smile.

"Come on," the Time Lord tugged lightly on her companion's hand and began to lead them toward what looked like a door.

"Time to leave the lies behind." she spoke these words as much to Yaz as she did to herself.

"Yeah," Yaz nodded. "No more lies."


	7. Monuments

A shifting next to her woke Yaz.

"You're coming to bed late," she commented to her wife.

"Yeah, sorry. TARDIS maintenance."

Yaz smiled at that. She supposed it made sense, it had been a while since they used the spaceship. It probably needed routine maintenance to make sure it wasn't completely out of service if they needed it.

"That's okay, babe," she pulled the Doctor close to her and kissed her forehead.

The blonde responded by planting a gentle kiss against Yaz's neck. They spent a short while like that, breathing and kissing against each other. It was warm and comfortable under the duvet and both felt contented.

Yaz, now more awake, used her hand to explore the familiar shapes of the Doctor's body. She stroked down her sides and softly squeezed her behind, prompting a soft sigh from the Time Lord.

The younger woman released a moan when the Doctor stroked along her nipple. She squirmed a bit, trying to contour herself to her wife's body.

The Doctor marked a deep kiss on Yaz's collarbone, searing desire into the spot.

"You're so gentle, love," Yaz remarked. She wasn't sure if she meant it as a compliment or as a challenge to go further. Either way, the Doctor smiled against her skin and traced a line from her breast to her lower abdomen.

"I don't have to be gentle, you know?" Yaz could hear the smirk she likely wore.

She could feel a yearning building in the pit of her stomach and wasn't about to protest about anything her partner had in mind.

"Don't be, then," Yaz dared.

The Doctor shifted herself to sit above her, legs settled on either side of her hips.

Her head dipped down and her lips brushed past Yaz's pulse point, sending a light chill down her body.

"You're still being so very gentle." Yaz half complained.

The woman above her chuckled and used her hands to trace along the ribs that just barely showed on Yaz's skin. She began to work her way lower when she was interrupted by a cry on the monitor on the nightstand next to them.

Yaz sighed, "Your turn this time,"

The Doctor made a brief pouting face before climbing off of the bed and shrugging on her nightgown.

The crying grew louder and the Doctor huffed as she walked into the hallway.

"I know, I know, I'm coming!" Yaz could hear her say as she walked toward the room at the end of the hall.

Though she was a little frustrated being left turned on, she smiled to herself. It was still surreal sometimes to know that she'd married the love of her life. That they had come this far, and now she could call the Doctor her very own. They both knew it was a complicated situation, a Time Lord and human becoming romantically involved. But, they took it in their stride.

Yaz knew that she wouldn't necessarily grow old with her wife. But, she had come to be okay with that. As much as endings hurt, they loved each other enough to work through the hard times.

"He says he's hungry," the Doctor walked in holding their son a few minutes later.

Yaz laughed, "I still don't really believe that you speak baby."

Her wife scoffed at that, faking offense. A smile quickly overtook her face, though, and she handed Yaz the baby.

"Good morning, Finn," she grinned. He had been waking semi-regularly in the early hours of the morning. It wasn't ideal, but at least Yaz and the Doctor had been awake this time and hadn't been awoken by loud cries.

Finneas made a few whines, indicating that he was, indeed, hungry.

Yaz sighed and brought him to her chest so she could feed him before he started crying more.

She looked up and locked eyes with the Doctor, who was smiling softly at the woman and child in front of her.

"I love you so much, Yaz,"

"I love you too, sweetheart." The women kissed briefly as the Doctor sat down next to Yaz.

"I can't really believe he's already six months old. I never expected time to fly this fast when we aren't time travelling." the Time Lord said. And she meant it. Before all this, before settling down, she never imagined that the natural progression of time could be so quick. But, since she'd settled into a "normal" life with Yaz, she'd grown used to how most people lived their lives.

"Yeah, it's crazy," Yaz agreed. She watched as Finn suckled on her and felt so close to him and to the Doctor in that moment. Here she was, with a wife and a son, enjoying her life far more than she could have ever imagined.

When she was just sixteen, she hadn't wanted to continue going. She felt that she had nowhere to go. But deciding to keep going had been the best decision she could've made. She'd met this amazing, mysterious, confusing woman who had changed her life for the better. The Doctor had introduced her to a whole new life she never would have thought possible, and led her on the most incredible adventures.

She really had turned her life on its head, but it had been the best thing to ever happen to her. Now she was living the best way she could think, and none of the dread she felt at sixteen lingered.

The Doctor gazed lovingly at Finn, and Yaz could tell just how much room he took up in her hearts.

"He looks so much like you," The Time Lord smiled.

"He does," Yaz echoed. "I suppose that means he's cute?"

"Oh, the cutest!"

They laughed and watched their son gradually stop feeding, already falling asleep again.

Yaz eventually pulled Finn from her breast and settled him against her shoulder to burp him before he passed out. He was very quickly nodding off, and she couldn't help but kiss his head about a million times.

She settled against the headboard of the bed, leaning comfortably and holding Finn tight against her. The Doctor lay down next to her, wrapping her arms around her midsection. The trio were all tired, and were content sleeping as a small heap of warmth and love.

Before succumbing to her exhausted state, Yaz once again reflected on her life as she knew it. Everything had changed so drastically in the last decade, but it still felt like she and the Doctor had first confessed their feelings the week prior. The life they'd built together was so much more than she could have ever dreamt.

They had gone from friends, to awkwardly avoiding each other because they both had trouble confronting their feelings, to eventually confiding in each other. Those confessions had led them to falling in love, to getting engaged, to marrying. And what a wedding it was, Yaz thought. She had cried, her mum had cried, her dad had shed a tear. Her sister pretended to be cool but inside Yaz knew that she had been so very proud of her for finding this life for herself.

Holding her child and laying in her wife's arms in that moment was all that she needed. Something so simple, yet so precious and meaningful. They breathed in unison, and she could feel the heartbeats against her skin as she drifted into unconsciousness.

In the early hours of the morning, the Doctor, Yaz, and their son Finn all fell asleep exchanging body heat and sharing dreams of each other.

Yaz, especially, dreamed about a long and fulfilling life with the Doctor. Having children, exploring their relationship further, sharing moments like this over and over. She dreamed that nothing would ever go wrong again. Not as long as she had the Doctor. Not as long as she had this wonderful life to share with the world.

Even in her sleep, her face held a smile at how right everything was in her world.


End file.
